My Story

As someone who has spent a lifetime dealing with substance use disorder—specifically opioid use disorder—I have tried from a young age to understand what I was dealing with and why I felt different from the people around me. I spent a large portion of my life going in and out of detox facilities, as well as long-term and short-term treatment programs. I ran into legal issues and was court-ordered to attend some programs, but most I entered on my own, hoping that this time would be the time it worked and I would no longer be chained to my addiction.

I completed every program and every group I attended. Each time, I was one hundred percent sure that I had things figured out—so sure that I could have passed a lie detector test if given one. The problem I faced was that once I was left to my own choices, and my addicted brain was able to influence me, I would, without fail, return to using. Each time, I became more and more frustrated with the process of recovery, thinking it was just not something I was capable of achieving.

I consider myself an intelligent person, able to make logical decisions and reason as well as anyone—except when it came to this issue. Through all my experiences and programs, I had, of course, learned that addiction is a disease that affects decision- making, but that can be tough to internalize. It is difficult to realize when you can and cannot trust your own brain. I wanted to believe that I could outthink my problem, but this never happened.

After some time, I was sent to prison for possessing drugs. This was a difficult situation for me to accept. After all, having drugs went hand in hand with my disease, right? I was given 2.5 years, and during that time, my addiction did not get any better. I became angry and resentful, spending a lot of time feeling like I was the victim. Then, a little while before I was released, I learned about the Naltrexone implant, which lasts for six months and prevents the use of opioids. I loved the idea that the choice I was never able to make correctly could be taken from me. I got the implant the same day I was released from prison. I knew that if I waited even a day, it would be too long, and I would end up right back where I was before.

I thought this was the answer to all my problems. I could not have been more wrong. I did all the right things: I joined a gym, joined a basketball league, and got involved in activities considered healthy with healthy people. Little did I know, my addiction was still working inside me. Even though I was not using opioids, my brain was secretly trying to get back to what it was used to. When I went out with people, it would tell me I didn’t belong in these groups—that they all had families and careers, and that I would never be smart enough or able to add value to those friendships. It told me they saw me for what I thought I was. I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body. I didn’t know how loud to talk in a room of people. The longer the substances were out of my system, the harder it was to deal with the reality of my situation and my past.

So, little by little, I started hanging out with people from my old lifestyle because I thought that was where I belonged—where people understood me. I thought, as long as I’m not using, it’s okay. I had this implant; I didn’t have to worry about making the wrong choice. So, I started selling drugs because I had no other skills to support myself at the time. I ended up getting arrested again within two years and received an eight-year prison sentence.

That is when I realized that addiction is being treated incorrectly when it comes to those who are truly suffering. I learned about what is called our hedonic set point, which regulates the chemicals in our body that influence the choices we make. I also learned that it takes 12 to 18 months for our bodies to get those chemicals back to normal.

That’s when it became clear what the issue was for me and so many others. The status quo is that programs release clients after 30 to 45 days and tell them to use the skills they’ve learned to make better choices. I think it’s fair to say that this has not been effective. The chemistry in the brain and body is still not working correctly. What is not being addressed and treated in a long-term way is how a user’s addictive thinking and behaviors will re-manifest in their life over time. Each person has a unique set of issues, and each brain is different, manipulating in different ways.

At MindSculpt Recovery, that is what I do. I encourage clients to take away the choice of using, making it so they can deal with life as it happens without being able to use substances as a solution. From there, I work with clients to develop their purpose—whatever it is that makes them truly happy. All the things that seemed so far out of reach before start to become more attainable.

Then, through this program, we identify how negative behaviors, thinking, and instant gratification try to pull them back to using. I work side by side with clients to get them through the time it takes for the brain to function in a healthy way. We set goals and accomplish tasks that build confidence. Over time, we show clients that they can trust their thoughts and that they do have a place in the world.

I understand it takes more than just removing the substance to heal. I am passionate about helping people who feel like they have tried everything but always end up with the same result. It’s time to make the commitment to yourself and your body. Let’s give the body time to recover from the damage and do what it does best. This is a complex issue, and it needs to be treated that way.

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