My Story

As someone who has spent a lifetime dealing with substance use disorder. Specifically Opioid use disorder. I have tried from a young age to understand what I was dealing with. Why I felt different then the people around me. I spent a large portion of my life going in and out of detox facilities and long term and short-term treatment programs. I ran into legal issues and was court ordered to some but most I went to on my own with hope that this time would the time that worked and would not be chained to my addiction. I completed every program and every group I went to. Each time I was one hundred percent sure that I had things figured out this time. So sure, that I could pass a lie detector test if I was given one. The problem that I faced that once I was left to my own choices and my addicted brain was able influence me I would without fail return to using. Each time I became more and more frustrated with the process of recovery think that it was just not something that I was able to do. I consider myself to be an intelligent person and able to make logical decisions and reason as well as anyone. Except when it came to this issue. Though all my or experience and programs I had of course learned that addiction was a disease that affects decision making but that can be tough to internalize. It is difficult to realize when you can and cannot trust your own brain. I wanted to believe that I could out think my problem, this never happened.

After some time, I was sent to prison for possessing drugs. This was a difficult situation for me to accept. After all, having drugs went hand in hand with my disease, Right? I was given 2.5 years and during that time my addiction did not get any better. I became angry and resentful. I spent a lot of time feeling like I was the victim. Then a little while before I got out, I learned about the Naltrexone Implant that I could get that lasted for 6 months and made it so I could not use opioids. I loved the idea that the choice I had was never able to make correct could be taken from me. I got it the same day I got released from prison. I knew that if I even waited a day that it would be too long and I would end up right where I was before. I thought this was the answer to all my problems. I could not have been more wrong. I did all the right things. I joined a gym. I joined a basketball league and got involved with things that are considered healthy with healthy people. Little did I know my addiction was still working inside me. Even though I was not using opioids my brain was secretly trying to get back to what it was used to. When I would go out with people it would tell me I don’t belong in these groups. That they all had families and careers. That I would never be smart enough or able to add value to those friendships. That they saw me for what I thought I was. I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body. I didn’t know how loud to talk in a room of people. The longer the substances were out of me the harder it was to deal with the reality of my situation and my past.

So little by little I started hanging out with people that were in my old lifestyle because I thought that is where I belonged. Where people understood me. I thought as long as I’m not using then its ok. I had this implant I didn’t have to worry about making the wrong choice. So, I started selling drugs because I had I no other skills that I could use at the time support myself. I ended getting arrested again within 2 years and received 8 years in prison. That is when I realized that addiction is being treated wrong when it come to the people who are really suffering. I learned about what is called our Hedonic Set Point that regulates our chemicals in our body that influence the choices we make. I also learned that it takes 12-18 months for our body to get those chemicals back to normal.

That’s when it became clear what the issue was for me and so many others. The status quo is programs release clients after 30-45 days and told to use the skills they learned to make better choices. I think its fair to say that this has not been effective. The chemistry in the brain and body is still not working right. What is not being addressed and treated in long term way is how a user’s addictive thinking and behaviors will re-manifest in their life over time. Each person has a unique set of issues and each brain is different and manipulates in different ways. At MindSculpt Recovery that is what I do. I encourage clients to take away the choice of using making it so clients can deal with life as it is happening and not be able to use substances as a solution. From there I work with clients to develop their purpose. Whatever it is that makes them truly happy. All the things that seemed so far out of reach before start to become more attainable.

Then through this program we identify how negative behaviors, thinking and instant gratification tries to take them back to using. I work side by side with the client to get them through the time it takes for the brain to function in a healthy way. We set goals and accomplish tasks that build confidence. Overtime showing clients that they can trust their thoughts and that they do have place in the world. I understand it takes more then just removing the substance to heal. I am passionate about helping people who feel like they have tried everything but always end up with same result. It’s time to make the commitment to yourself and your body. Let’s give the body time to recover from the damage and do what it does best. This is a complex issue and it needs to be treated that way.

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